If you haven’t been exposed to the Fling Chocolate campaign, and are perhaps hearing about this product for the first time, let me give you a quick run-down. It’s an 85 calorie finger of chocolate release by the Mars Company that is currently sold only in California and online. Its television commercial has started airing and it looks like this:
After checking out the website and advertising, I feel like I’ve learned some important things about myself, as a woman. I’ve saved you all time and angst and have listed the top 5 lessons below – beware, I’m fraught with sarcasm.
1. Sex and Chocolate are like the same thing! Women go crazy for chocolate and they go even more crazy for “healthier” versions of chocolate. We love it so much that it’s pretty much a substitution for sex – does it seem like we’re having a sexual escapade with a guy in a dressing room? No! We’re eating chocolate. I think Sarah Haskins has made this point far better than I ever could so I’ve posted her chocolate segment below.
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2. Eating regular chocolate should make us feel like we had an affair! When you end up “in bed” with chocolate, you risk gaining weight or getting fat. That should make you feel like you cheated on your partner which means you should be feeling guilty and horrible about it. That’s why a fling is great! It’s less guilt than a typical affair and we can relate to that because we’re flippant and looking for ways to give into our desire without compromising our morals/bodies. After all, we should be naughty but not too naughty. Good thing fling chocolate can help us keep our diet – and values – in check.
3. The only time we can refer to our sexuality openly is when we’re actually talking about something else. Using coded language that is usually considered taboo with regards to women’s sexuality is perfectly acceptable when you’re describing chocolate. That’s how we can feel like we’re going outside of our puritan values without actually disrupting or challenging those values.
4. We love shiny pink things. I don’t know about you, but as soon as I see a shiny pink wrapper, I’m sold! It’s still in small discreet packaging, just like tampons and “womanly products” are supposed to be, so it won’t embarrass you to *gasp* eat it in public!
5. We aren’t able to talk about our health and alternatives to high calorie snacks unless they’re delivered through sexual innuendos. With sexual innuendos available to tell me how to live, what could I possibly want safe, honest and accurate information for? I’d rather have my nutritonal information and health conscious alternatives wrapped in a shimmery cloak of (sorta) guilt-free sexiness.